LOL

I don't understand what is happening to me right now
i just want it..
i want the love
i just love to be loved by others
will then i love myself
what an idiot
hahahhhaha
I dont feel like writing
this blog anymore
well...
lets follow the current flow now
aitezzz
***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

aLL the WAY

what is life actually?
would it be good if we go to the bright side of it?
or will it still remain blank?
i don't really understand my life currently.
i used to be cheerful
however lately...
i don't even have anyone to talk to.
no one.
not even my own shadow...
what is happening to me actually?
well drop the topic now...

i'm quite happy today.
i've completed the CB project..
at last!!!
hahahaha
well i also received an email from my lovely husband
ouh how much i miss him
hahahaha
also not forgetting..
my SYG message me too but
he don't seemed to be happy about it..
well i miss him more LOL
Daniel??
he have yet to call me since saturday
well perhaps he have found someone new
hahaha what can i do?
tsk tsk tsk
put them all aside now

next myself..
and my family...
i've not spoken to my dad lately
it have been three days since the fasting month started
i don't really know why but i hate the fact that
my mum is willing to get back together with him..

earlier today my classmate did some oral presentation
and one of them actually touched my heart.
Suria, my classmate talk about a healthy lifestyle
she did asked some questions
one of the open ended question was...
"why does everyone needs to have a balance diet?"
it makes me think..
must the answer be "confident" instead of...
"i love the way i am now"....
hmm let the environment decides all of it..

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

Baby Girl Is On Her Way

Yesterday was the first time in my life to agree to be someones sugar baby.

i do not know if whatever i do is something right

obviously it is a sin but i guess i am left with no choice

i am so like really need the cash

shoot what happened to the old me?

i am so like a BITCH now

My parents are getting divorce soon

i followed my mum ad am staying with her

in AMK back to the old days...

This time round, i want it different for both of us

papa seriously didn't allowed mama to take

both Arif and Mubin

hmmph...

i have like totally made up my mind to just stay

the way i am now

and enjoy life with full of sin

wakkakakakakkaka

i wanna be the cheerful girl once again

the lovely sweet baby girl is on her way

this time round i will be the BITCH

I want to conquer the world

I want it to be the melody of my life

In conjunction to that, i didn't even know that life like

mine is also happening to someone else

someone who i knew

But not someone close to me

such a pity that his case is much worse than mine.

he not only lose his family but also his love ones

i felt sad for him but there is nothing that i could do

referring to that, he is also the same age as me just that

I'm already 19 and he is on the 23 Aug then he turn 19

gosh he is right..

no matter how old we could grow to,

we still will be end up crying like a small baby

for me..

baby girl.. hahahha

well i believe it is hard for a Guy to cry ya see

and if a guy had cried means he is unable to

cope with the surrounding further..

forget about me..

i can't even cry anymore

wheee

yeah that's what i did now..

i make myself felt stupid then will i be satisfied with it

lol..

let me be the baby girl once again

being pampered by guys

being loved by the loved once

being known by others

I'm gonna love it.

muackzz

guysss...

I'm waiting...

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

it strike the path

Yesterday i thought of letting Teddy go was a good idea

infact i do contact with him again

well i want to know him more.

since i was getting tired of it,

i called Teddy

i was shocked that he is willing to answer my call

and guess what?

today he called me DEAR =)

well that was it

yesterday mama seemed to be extremely upset with me?

i guess she knew that i am lying to her all this while

but i was lying in order to for me not to hurt her.

i didn't do it intentionally

neither do i really mean it =(

i felt sad when mama scolded me last night.

so bout papa i think he goes crazy by now

really crazy

perhaps i didn't give him any money after i

received the scholarship.

i guess so

i guess he must be extremely mad at me too

for not giving him a sense of respect at home

how could i?

he is acting like a mad man..

heck care with him.

i just can't focus the more i think about it

it hurt to be in my position now.

why can't i be like the other kid?

like those who don't seemed to be afraid of

laws and stand up for their rights?

haiz

gosh tomorow i'm supposed to meet ibrahim but shoot

papa didn't allows me

well what happened next was papa was like shouting like a mad man

like a crazy old man stating that all i know in life is GUYS

but never did i focus on my studies

why did he said that?

if i did not focus..

why in the world do i get a scholarship?

why do i still in school?

i might as well go out and work right?

i hate it.

so....

today my class "celebrate" national day..

yeah wadeva..

Mr sim gave us fruits.. i mean APPLE

and choclate for saying what i like about SINGAPORE

that part.. everyone gets it

for lolipops..

my favorite part...

we have to answer a few SINGAPORE quiz

and well as usual the "kanchiong" queen is here..

i gave the class the answer..

hahaha why not?

i have the answer for every SINGAPORE quiz

haha btw

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE

wheeeee...

why am i cheering?

i am going to get a full lecture soon

yeah very the soon..

that's all for today..

bye

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

i hate myself for loving you teddy

i'm sorry

i don't really know what had happened

why do i have to fall for teddy?

teddy still loves his EX

now i'm so like crying like hell

how can i ever like a person like him?

should i go to bed with him?

should i check into the hotel with him?

what's the point?

he is a sweet guy

but he have hurt me

i'm so like totally hurt right now

seriously i don't feel like meeting him today after learning about the whole thing

the whole stupid things

how can i ever fall for him in the first place?

yesterday was okay

but today im so like a total whore

i am a whore

i hate myself for this

why must i cry for guys?

i hate u!!!!!!!!

God give me strengths

give me hope

give me the air that i should be breathing

i really need the sense of love

i really need a guy by my side

i need a company of love

after learning the fact..

every seconds i received his message

i feel like crying

why?

please i need my strength back please

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

bad day

How i love it and how I hate it

i love it that the whole project is done

i hate it that i get the blame

yeah i know im useless

my thumbdrive keeps on getting the FUCKING virus

everyone is pointing their fingers at me

why always me?

papa was like a mad man

he quarelled with mama again

this time round is worst than i ever thought

mama almost say out the word divorce to papa

shit

they just got married and this how it goes

i am really stress up now

everyone is looking down on me

and as for myself im trying to fit myself in

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

Guess What?

Something miracle happened to me.

Last few weeks,

i knew this Alamak Chatter.

His only main intention is all about

SEX

eventually i attend to his every stories

and stupid flirting..

Only yesterday i could not stand the part of him

wanting to have sex with me..

i actually managed to fool him..

here's what i told him...

"i'm being paid for every service that i'm t0ld to do"

hahaha

the next things that he asked me was...

how much?

without further ado..

i said..

"$30 for BJ aka BlowJob.

And $60 for Full Service.."

intentionally he invited me to meet up with him

but that was before i told him about this..

After knowing about that,

with a great disappointment, he said...

"well i guess i won't be meeting you for the time being"

do you want to know the reason why i said this to him?

He wants me to make out with him..

however..

he is penniless...

he wants me to pay for him the HOTEL bills

what does he takes me as?

i rather told him off than to go and pay for the HOTEL

aren't i right?

next up about another guy.

an AFRICAN guy

haha he is a helarious..

we met up yesterday afternoon straight after my lesson end.

well we met at VIVO.

He actually confess to me that he likes me

ok at that moment of time..

i was like

yucksss

but well at least someone praises me

wheee

To tell the truth i am so not ready for any love line

trust me..

anyway..

why would i give my trust to someone that i hardly know?

isn't that weird?

Oops..

almost forgotten bout everything..

i have known this someone..

whom well...

he is married with 5 childrens and a wife

he actually i don't really understand his way of life

it's hard for me to comment on it

but i do know one thing...

he have this weakness like how i used to have before..

before i met miko..

it was the time when i was with ashiq..

having spending times with him makes me feel lots of lost in my life.

i don't even know what happened to me at that moment of time.

it is true that everyone

need to move on in life

need to strive for the best in

everything that we do

attemping something

is not a harm

but a challenge in our life

it is wise that we look

forward and focus

instead of us turning

back and recall the pass

it will hurt the immune

system even more

more than anyone ever know

let's delete the past

and fly towards the future

but never stay put i the present

Let's hope this past of mine will fade away

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

how will my life BE?

Qns: How bad will a rotten egg be?

Ans: It will just destroy the whole cooking.

How bad can I be?

Seemed like everyone is displease with me.

what is my mistake?

does my being BOSSY put me into this?

How do i ever built myself up again?

Well once the hatred is there it will remain a there.

Will i ever be excepted by them again?

By the way..

things change alLOT lately..

i just realised that people LOVES you because you

are useful..

Not because they LOVE you as a friend

A friend can never be there for you all the time

However a BUDDY will stay by your side

No matter rain OR shine...

Will i ever be like that?

Will i be standing there to protect my BUDDY?

DO i have a BUDDY in the fist place?

my friends were never my friend

in times of needs...

laughter..

cries...

i was always alone... i was always alone...

I guess lonely is what i AM made for..

I guess I will never be happy as i used to..

IT's true..

We don't need a friend

But we need a family..

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

I Should End My Way

yeah i'm the one to blame on.

everything i do today dosen't seemed right.

my stupid thumbdrive gets virus.

my mood swings badly.

Ignatius scolded me for attendance.

when i seriously recalled that he is late for lesson.

in fact he wasn't there for wednesday accounting lesson.

right?

i don't know.

everyone is putting the blame on me.

thanks.

my mind can't even function correctly today.

what am i supposed to do?

it feels like i've been cursed.

i really feel bad about myself that i feel like ending my life.

i don't know if by crying will solve everything?

but why should i cry?

i should be happy with whatever i want.

easy say IQG never like me before.

no one ever like me.

they hate me because i don't get along with them.

i can't be them.

i can't compromisem with their words.

i just can't be like a normal chairperson do.

they said that i am being unfair.

i am not showing any role model.

what?

previously i was doing the positive way.

but now...

nothing is important to me anymore.

i learnt one thing in my archery.

DON'T CARE, DON'T BOTHER..

so why should i care.

why should i continue to be the role model again?

why should i show them respect?

why am i being so timid?

why am i so useless?

why don't they themselves be the chairperson?

take the post as the monitor

take the post as the student counsellor

take every post so that others will know that you are a good role model

do it...

FUCKER!!!

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

You see..

there doesn't seemed to be any meaning in my life now.

i have tried to put it in a more satisfying way.

However i realised that most of the time i don't really seemed to treasure my life.

as time goes by,

my life is nothing but a treacherous.

what do i do next?

only God understand me well.

Knowingly that my parents quarrelled again

and i started to hate him for who he is.

every time he speak to me i tend to give him a long face.

i don't understand why i don't seemed to respect him again.

i guess i have given him too many chances.

he don't seem to change to what he promised.

his promised are lies

he never look up to his words.

i begin to hate him more as time goes by.

I'm sorry dad but i can't stand it anymore.

i started to meet up with guys again

and as usual get in bed with them.

you can call me slut but i guess that's what i am for now.

can somebody just show me my path?

I'm alone

i have no one to rely on

I'm afraid to consult with anyone.

I'm afraid being notice by others

i hate sympathy by others

what should i do now?

i really find my life meaningless now

should i give up my life now?

O r should i continue with whatever i have now

and pretend to be happy?

i am really hoping that all these will end.

add on to the pressure that mums giving me

she really wish for me to get engage

but who would want me?

i don't even have what it takes to be myself.

where is the real me?

why have i totally change to someone

that i myself don't know and understand?

i cried several nights

dreamt of killing my own dad

what is happening to me now?

at times i feel like killing myself

at another times i feel like throwing myself to guys

guys that i don't even know

a stranger

*sigh*

GOD give me your light.

Protect me from danger.

Enlighten me from doing negative stuff.

Prevent me from hurting myself.

Protect my family.

Change my dad.

Change my environment.

Change me to my own self.

Make me into a better person.

Give me your blessing and my families.

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

oh GOD

Three of My classmate Have been the suspected victim oF

H1N1

how i'm glad that i was one of them.

however...

things seemed upside down now.

i am more into mariage life

and wanting to find a husband for myself

at times i feel the negative side of myself.

is it so difficult for me to get attached like my other friends?

mum have been pasterig me..

for MARRIAGE

guys have been pasterig me..

Not to get me settle down but

to get me ON THE BED!!!

tell me now what should i do?

i really feel like a SLUT going around asking for the stick.

i myself cannot bear with the fact that i need a guy

but a guy to love me for who i am

not to love me for my body

i miss the old me

but the old me give me the urge to find SEX

why?

so how do i change the whole things now?

how do i carry on with my life now?

thinking and wondering still

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

The whole ceremony did turned out well than i ever expect.

I did not guess that my dad will really marry my step mother even though..

He is a womaniser.

Well for me i am still waiting for my time to come.

Well my mum cannot wait for me to find my life partner and get engage as...

sOoOn As PoSSiBLe

*sigh* what can be done now?

I do really hope to find a life partner now and get settle down but..

Tell me who want someone like me?

Someone that do not even know how to take care of herself.

I am getting clumsy as days past by.

Oh ya,

Last Saturday night i went for the barbecue outing soon after the whole ceremony is over.

I get to meet Afad aka Fadhil.

Oh my he is so cute in person.

Trust me.. I am stating the fact.

I cannot deny that i do have a slight crush on him

however i know that i would not have the chance to be near him.

LOL

I just have no confident in myself when it comes to LOVE STORY

haha *evil laugh*

Okay i have yet to see the lights shining through me

But i do hope that i could see the colours that develop between the aisle..

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

GoD i'M BacK

GoD for sooo lOng Since I acTually
Write In mY bLoggY...
NoW i HavE tHe chAnce tO tell yOu How aM i Now
mY DAddY iS geTTing Married
Now afTer So ManY yEars Of Waiting
SoOoOn sHe wILL my PaRt oF mY lIfE noW
WeLL wHaT caN i SaY noW
wHat ThE pArT i HatE thE moST is tHat iT haPPened On tHe
FUCKING
Very SAMe DAY aS mY GatHerIng WiTh My ALAMAK frIEnDs
sHit SIa!!!
ThE pArT wHere I HaTe ThE mOSt iS tHAt
At TimEs I doN'T eVen SeeMeD to KnoW heR LiKe HoW i UseD tO
ASSHOLE
whAT cAn I dO
iTs my CHoicE nOW
weLL bItcH i Am NOw GoD dArn SingLE anD AvaIlaBle
TElL mE wHicH AssHolE waNts SomeOne LIke
ME??
I am Your BitCh Now!!
I'M freEe..
WheeeEE geT me ThrouGH nOW!!!
HaHahA
***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***