You see..

there doesn't seemed to be any meaning in my life now.

i have tried to put it in a more satisfying way.

However i realised that most of the time i don't really seemed to treasure my life.

as time goes by,

my life is nothing but a treacherous.

what do i do next?

only God understand me well.

Knowingly that my parents quarrelled again

and i started to hate him for who he is.

every time he speak to me i tend to give him a long face.

i don't understand why i don't seemed to respect him again.

i guess i have given him too many chances.

he don't seem to change to what he promised.

his promised are lies

he never look up to his words.

i begin to hate him more as time goes by.

I'm sorry dad but i can't stand it anymore.

i started to meet up with guys again

and as usual get in bed with them.

you can call me slut but i guess that's what i am for now.

can somebody just show me my path?

I'm alone

i have no one to rely on

I'm afraid to consult with anyone.

I'm afraid being notice by others

i hate sympathy by others

what should i do now?

i really find my life meaningless now

should i give up my life now?

O r should i continue with whatever i have now

and pretend to be happy?

i am really hoping that all these will end.

add on to the pressure that mums giving me

she really wish for me to get engage

but who would want me?

i don't even have what it takes to be myself.

where is the real me?

why have i totally change to someone

that i myself don't know and understand?

i cried several nights

dreamt of killing my own dad

what is happening to me now?

at times i feel like killing myself

at another times i feel like throwing myself to guys

guys that i don't even know

a stranger

*sigh*

GOD give me your light.

Protect me from danger.

Enlighten me from doing negative stuff.

Prevent me from hurting myself.

Protect my family.

Change my dad.

Change my environment.

Change me to my own self.

Make me into a better person.

Give me your blessing and my families.

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***