what about me?

Today is already the 3rd day since i left paris on friday. I don't know why but it seemed weird actually. Perhaps it is due to my new existance or a new environment. Okay,others might be guessing why do i get myself out of paris since i have everything there. All the accessories that have connection with wealth. To tell the truth,i do enjoy the wealth given to me however,i cannot find the love and touch of a family in that house. It may seemed weird why do i say like this but it is true. They said,they treated me just like a daughter to them but why are they ignoring me? They said they want to take care of me sincerely,but why does my granduncle always bring back the past? I hate my granduncle attitude at times as he is those type of person that forgive AND WILL NEVER FORGET.. Therefore,i can say that until today,he could never forget my mistake and my past towards him. Whereas, my grandaunt,she always talk without thinking twice. She thinks that her words were never sharp that it wounded not only my heart but my "wannabe" step mum too. Why must she always be so arrogant? Just like her husband? In the very first place now,i am still wondering to why is it so difficult for them as a couple to let me in back to my dada? Why must they continue criticise my dada? So what if he is yet to get married?

Well,i cannot comment much on it by the way. All i can say is that my life are set by Allah and no one can write my path for me unless i myself change it. Still, i have yet to let my other family knows of my whereabout. If can i just do not want them to know. However,i am still disappointed with my beloved uncle, biawak who is now tag team with my granduncle and grandaunt. He should be glad that i am free of their clutches instead he pissed me off in just a flash. Now i am still waiting for all the truth to be out. Let what other might think of me because i know that i have my own responsibility to discipline myself to be a one successful and a useful person.


***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

i'm moving on?

yesterday was the most dreadful day for me. At last i am free from their clutches however,they seemed to have grudge on me. How in the world can he as a "grandpa" gave thousands of reason to my dada and hope that my dada will be brainwash just like how i was previously. Well,was it me who created stories so that we all as a family will start quarrelling with one another? Everytime when i am trying to be honest with this "grandpa" of mine,he always turn to me and say," YOU ARE A LIAR,ONE BIG LIAR".. What the hell.. I am sick of his words and whats more his wife? His with love to criticise me so much. Since i am a person who do not prefer to say much or even retort back to any of their command or advise. I just do not understand why does everyone wants me? What is so special about me? Haix at times,i felt it is great to have so many people wanting me but at a second look,i just hate it if all they are chasing for is my money and me becoming their "second maid." what can be so stressful about is being labelled by that name.. Oh my,i can say that i hate my family members but why i did not do that? I respected my family members that is why i hate it if someone were to condem their lives.. Especially when their own blood family says the worst about the own siblings. For now,i am staying with my dada together with my dada's wife which have yet to get married and her family with my baby boy. Only Allah knows if i am creating stories just to get out of the house or not.


***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

ok what happened today was that i make out with this guy whom i used to have a feeling towards him when he was still with his ex..
However later after the whole thing is over,i then realised tt my intention was to seduce him and make him fall for me like how he used to do so..
Unfortunately,it seemed tt this matter is getting worse.
I asked him whether he could actually manage with my sluty attitude and i was shocked when he himself prompted me in a way where "yes of coz i can..why not?"
I was stunt at a moment but ignore it because firstly,my feelings towards him was never that deep like how i used to feel for him and now how can you expect me to have the same old feelings again?
Now,he msg me,called me and even used his friend to contact me as i refuse to answer or even reply his msg.
Hey i can't deny tt this fellow is really falling for my trap.
Next thing is tt his friend.
I used to have a crushed on him but i was rejected by him firstly i refused to tell him e truth tt yes i do like him and secondly,i'm not prepared to have a partner at that particular moment.
Hahakz well what can i say?
I told him not to ever try to force me no matter how horrible a situation may be.
To my surprised,he said..
"the more you hate me,the more i like you."
Ass him for saying like that to me.
Without hesistation,i f**k him off and hung up the phone.
I don't want to contact both of them for the time being.
All i want is their craving for me..hahakz


**My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

the person that i am hoping for is no longer with me

i was left just like that

so rather then making me wait like a one stupid dumb ass i fuck myself off

i told him out and yeah we are over

wow that was fast

and yeah it is over

tikus and sharkie are over

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

days passed by and lots of this happened to me which hold me back in the darkness.

i puzzled me a lot that i cannot even achieve what i am desiring for.

i lost all of the white path and can only see the black coloured path right in front of me.

i do not know who sholud i listen to and rely on to now.

the air that i inhale is so much different currently.

having a person walk in a house seemed like just a walking corpse.

no one give it a blesing or a sense of respect in there.

eveyone thought that their words are the best.

everyone are so arrogant of their abilities and their wealth.

the environment keeps on changing

from lovely to love then followed by hate lastly hatred

GOD please give me the light so that i can shine myself through the darkness

i am scared of it

i am scared of the eeriee lifestyle

i want back my love

i want back my life

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

all right.

yesterday night was the most worst dreadful night for me.

fuck it shit what is happening to me?

i don't even understand my stupid way of living and i begin to use vulgarities these few days.

yesterday i had a plan in my mind.

having to live in this house makes me feel just like an outsider except that i do not have that freedom to do what i like and what i want.

i really need an income with me currently.

i have dozens of late payment bills coming up to me together with my hospital bills and soon there will be my check up once again.

haix why is this challenges keeps on provoking me like hell and i just can't seemed to ignore it.

they say you have to tackle your own problems in order for you to kno your main weakness but how?

no one is supporting me now only for my wanna be 'step mum' who does not even gave birth to me and she is so concern for me?

if were to say that this world that i am living in is unfair then tell me what is fair?

no one is perfect in this world and i have my stupid friends and families telling me that i am very fortunte to stay with my granduncle and auntie.

what do you know?

yes it is fortunate if you were to see it with your bare eyes but it is not if you yourself cannot even do what you like to do.

okay fine i am a girl so i should know my basic courtesy and manners but i should be able to lead my own life too.

hey i am an independent girl who only knows what are survival meant to me ALONE.

things change the way i do not want it to be.

TIKUS is being fucking hack care of me and he only message or call me whenever he wants that fucking sexlife from me.

what does he takes me as?

a doll?

i hate it so much if he were to treat me the way as how the stupid ass are treating me.

i better be off staying in the prostitute brothel rather than a place called home cause untill todayi just cannot find a perfect place to be called my HOME

I hate the surrounding of mine

I hate the people who paster me

I hate the people who judge my life without knowing me

I hate the people who assume me for a SLUT

I hate those asshole who treated me like a SEXSLAVE

READ THIS:

I AM NOT YOUR SEX SLAVE YOU ASSHOLE DUMB DUMB....

i feel like crying now but i just do not understand why i cannot let my tears down?

now i am leaving my life in GOD hands because only him knows my desire.

I wanna be me again.

the old and original me.

Once i step my leg out of this house for sure i will never step into it.

NEVER AGAIN

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

k i realised that everyone is happy with their love ones but why can't i?

why can't i just be happy like them?

eL is now happily with emran and do did he..

ELMObaby have her own life and love

Hickey Mickey is living his own life

whereas me,

i am just one paranoid person who sits at home all day long ad doing nothing

i don't hang out with eL and the rest anymore

they acted differently towards me now

what i hate the most was no one seemed to have my name in their mind other then TIKUS

*sigh* hate my life for being such an ass.

eL is so much so happy now and they even create a blog of their own.

tell me how sweet can this be?

i hate my body

i hate my attitude

but i love being me

just that why must i frowned about it?

what is missing in my life now?

so what if i am fat?

so what if i am not sexy like those bitchy girls out there?

i want to be realised by others

i too want others to look up upon me

but can this be happen to me?

i am just a one paranoid sophisticated bitch that have no sense of humour

i don't even know what it is like to have a true love...

this is just me when i start losing my self-confidence...

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

All about me

everything seemed okay for these few days and i want it to be this way for the eternity.

yes i hope it will.

today, as soon as i opened my eyes wide, for first time ever, i was not thinking of anypne else except for myself.

i was thinking what would my life be if i were to continue flirting around.

i have to start changing from now on.

having my TIKUS by my side have made me realise lots of thing.

flirting is my desire but since i have TIKUS,why not i flirt with him?

hehe ya he is the only one that i can throw myself to.

if can i wanna live my life only with him and that is it.

NO MORE SEX LIFE FOR ME WITH OTHER GUYS wheeeeee...

now i am back to the original me.

i flirt and i let go. i play with my mind instead of me playing with my heart.

i lure guys heart like how they used to lure me with their sweet talk and let them get addicted to me but i will never give them my body.

i will seduce them till the end of my throat however never will them know the real me.

I am just me and no one else knows me the way i know myself.

I am the BITCHY

I am the SLUT

I am the Sweet Talker Mother Fucker

However NO one can be the original me.

Once a shArK_kiLLeR will always be the shArK_kiLLeR

I am me...

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

I LOVE YOU MORE

as day passed by, this feelings can't lie to itself. i missed him more then i used to missed anyone else. i don't understand why i am feeling like this. this feeling is so remarkable that it makes me feel like you are my one and only TIKUS.

ekekkekekekekke TIKUS i miss you and i love you more. i don't know if this time round my love line will be the most sincere one or will the history repeats itself once again?

i wanna change myself for my own good and i do hope that we will be able to hold on to our love line and be faithful to each other. TIKUS, i miss you syg. please don't you ever turn back and leave me alone. all i want in my life is YOU syg.

your date and my date will be tied down so that no one can destroy it. not even an ants except for Allah. I'll always pray that we will be happy together. thank you syg.

**080908**

-=SK love MIKO forever=-

***My path can only be right when I'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

Loving Him Now

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee........

Ok i've leave him and now i'm going through my life with my one and only syg... he is Muhammad Faizal wheee i'm in love with him since the day we met. i didn't expect that we both will be together hehe. i really love him now and i hope this will last. OH ya btw yesterday was a horror day for me. He message me again.

"Awk..Awk da tdo?" why is it such of a sudden? i've abandoned him 3 days back and now he is haunting me.. WHY??? I am now walking like the wind that blows the earth ground... i'm just hoping that this time round my love will not be played and i don't want the same story line to happen again. enough is enough for me. loving him is much disasterous for me however i do hope now, when i'm with JAI i can live my to the fullest.

JAI TIKUS SK LOVE YOU LAR
SYG

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

hate it but imy

it has been 2 days since we message each other and i miss him like hell. i almost message him just now wen i opened my eyes early in the morning. SYG...i miss you soo much and i can't deny it myself. haiz now i'm changing my thoughts to someone else. haiz why must this thing happened? i miss you so badly.

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

It's weird

time flies and everything went upside down. i dont know what to do with my life anymore. fasting month this year is a one terrible year. i dont understand a single shit that s going through my mind now. everything went blank when i start to think of him. today itself i fought with him. again i started it but how can i if he is still so stubborn and not wanting to say the truth?

i had enough of this shit. the stress of me loving him is killing me slowly like killing an ants in a pool of H2O. how can he ever realise that i love him alone and i cant love anyone else. this life is getting so complicated for me to understand my own path. everyday is the same no matter how i've tried to change why?

he dont seemed to care about me well i believe that he gets tired of me already by now. afterall he have her to be by his side. =( this is sucks. i hate the way this world is moving now haiz. OK whatever happened to me now, i dont give a damn shit about it. all i know now is that i wanna flirt around,seducing guys like how i used to do last time.

NO one can stop me now. i am who i am and im not turning back unless i think i sholud ekekekkekekekke

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***

the current me

This is my first time writing a blog and i don't really know how this thing goes however,let me share with you about my route towards my journey of life.

I understand that no one is perfect in this world neither do I. I love to see others being loved but i'm puzzled why can't i get that love from anyone. Not even my so called family. Haiz. Previously i was loved by everyone in my family until the day one at a time my family members leave me. My grandmother passed away when i was a toddler approximately when i was 1 year plus. Next,my great grandmother who left me when i was 8 years old and now my great grandfather left me a few days ago. After all the disaster,i'm losing control of myself. I have no one to rely on now. Loving this someone special makes my day worse.

i knew this person but he kept lots of secrets from me. He fastened his identity however i knew something i not right for me to love him. I found out that he is attached with someone else but why did he still declare himself as single? This puzzled me so much. I just can't ignore this feelings towards him. I keep on thinking of him all this while. We have known each other for a month and a week now but i don't see any of his words that can make me believe him. I don't know why i'm being so paranoid now days even he himself say that to me. I'm just so scared to lose the person that i love. Now no matter how i flirt around i still keep him inside my heart. I treasure and respected him however i don't know if he sholud deserve it or not.

Only GOD understand my path now... SK

***My path can only be right when i'm walking straight with full of confident in me***